Where Do I Find Myself
Life and love are a funny thing, one minute you have both then the next one or both can be gone.
As for me I still have life and Im happy to be breathing, that seems to be all I do these days. Take one breath at a time. I keep having to remind myself to do this becuse I've seem to for atleast the moment lost the other par of the tandem. Love where has it gone, I just woke up one morning and Mother Love was gone.
Lost and confused much like being out in the rain in the middle of the woods with no understanding of which way to go. I scramble trying to find shelter and warmth but the trees are bare and there is no place for me to find comfort. Desperate and confused I begin calling out in all directions where are you love? where did you go? what did I do? to my dismay there is little esponse just a flat line pulse reaction. Love has disappeared or has become emotionless.
Much like a vangabon I feel as though I have no place to call my comfort, though I lye where love once did. Its different now only a shell of where it once resided. I have things to remind me of love. Countless photos and stories I could tell. But all to unsatsifying, I need love in 3D. I need to feel its arms around me if only for a fleeting final moment, a soft kiss good bye would be more than what was left when left was all I felt.
The challenge to change directions is much like trying to change the current of the ocean with all the effort you can afford still little change takes place. The heavens seem to have closed or at least out to lunch, I keep waiting for a glimps of hope but the future tells he same story as the present. At least the current present the actual present is yet to be.
Do I believe love will return and if it does will it love me or will love be change to like. Like is okay but like is not missing, I like , like but its love that I want to come home. Home thats another funny word without love its just where I reside. With love though it makes a house a home.
My Sweet love of these many years, hear my hearts cry its calling out to you. Return unto me and only me . Want what I have and seek nothing more. Love where have you gone.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
double edge sword
It doesnt take long to realize what the country is up in arms about these days. It use to be all about The War in in the Middle East but lately its been all about Obama and his left wing health care program. There are so many compeling arguments for both sides that its no wonder why people are struggling with this issue.
There are several points I would like to make that I have no direct answer for and is the reason for this blog. I hope to get some insight from others that will help me comedown on one side of the issue or another which ever that may be.
Heres my issue, Im by natural design a conservative, and follow for the most part The Conservative Right Side of most issues and Yes I'm a Ditto Head.. How ever as a simple side note I do believe he has gone a little off the deep end of the pool these days and I don't always line up with his idology.
To the point and my concern, being conservative I believe its a mans responsability to provide for himself and for his family. I know I know The Left make claim to this principle as well. But the true basic back to the core differences are obvious one believes he/she can do it for themselves where the other side believes by virtue of their polices one is left to believe that he/she can not unless they have assistance.
My Issue... Feeling that I should be able to take care of my family and my medicl needs and that no one else should have to foot the bill for me.
My Problem... I can't at this time and may never be able to. As of a little over a year ago I was ruled completely disabled. I have ERD (Endstage Renal Disease) I need a new kidney due to a life long Kidney Disease called PKD (Polysystic Kidney Disease) Due to this it has been impossible for me to purchase any kind of life insurance or long term disability. The only other Insurance I could purchase is your typical accidental death policys. Meaning My Wife could get insured benefits for me if I was to die by falling off a cliff or getting hit by a car etc. Don't get me wrong, I know that they do it for smart reasons, one would have to be an idiot to insure someone for a policy to pay out thousands of not millions to someone you know is not going to pay in long enough to cover even a resonable percentage of what they will ultimately pay out.
Heads or Tails you choose. The great concern here is understanding basic math. Insurance companys like banks are investors. they take the money you place in them or pay for service and invest it with a hope they will receive an increase in their return. Hopefully it is a large enough return to cover losses and expenses and then have left overs to claim as prophet. Basic business 101 stuff here folks. Having personal experience in this field having use to work for one of the 3 major insurance companies in America, during the time I was employed by them they spent on the physical year an average of $1.03 on every dollar they brought in just on claims. It doenst take a brainiack to understand they are in it to make money and they have to in order to survive.
Will This kill the industry? If required to insure anyone and everyone it wouldnt be unreasonable to ask can they survive can they cover the cost. The simple answer is probably no unless they increase their fees. Do we really want to pay more, don't you feel you pay enough already. So you decide will requiring insurance companies to insure anyone and everyone regardless of their health and situation may ulitmately lead to the end of this industry.
I know i jump around.. Heres where the issue becomes personal for me again to choose the right side of this issue would literally be a death sentence for me. I have to do dialysis 5 times a week at an average cost at around$1,500.00 per treatment and I do the treatment myself at home. I take a medicine that cost about $2,000.00 per does and I take 1.5 doese per week. This doenst include any other medicine which there are many and doctor visits etc. In all it would be impossible for me to pay for these services. I worked hard from the time I was 16 years old and have paid into the system. Even though I'm now 36 years old and have paid in all these years it is important to recognize I have received so much more than I ever gave to the system.
This reminds me of President Kennedys famous speech, "Ask not what your country can do for you, Rather ask what can you do for Your Country" Something like that I believe. So in the end of my thought process I do believe that if I were to vote or side with the Right on this issue I would infact be doing something for My Country.. I would be dieing for it litterally. Not as a hero who saved alot of lives but as a man with out resources to pay for the Healthcare required to stay healthy and alive.
Balls in your court now what do I do.. What do you think? There are many just like me who use the goverment healthcare medicare and medicaid. So how many of us will have to pay the ultimate price for this decission. Does my life have a voice. Do I really have a Choice.
There are several points I would like to make that I have no direct answer for and is the reason for this blog. I hope to get some insight from others that will help me comedown on one side of the issue or another which ever that may be.
Heres my issue, Im by natural design a conservative, and follow for the most part The Conservative Right Side of most issues and Yes I'm a Ditto Head.. How ever as a simple side note I do believe he has gone a little off the deep end of the pool these days and I don't always line up with his idology.
To the point and my concern, being conservative I believe its a mans responsability to provide for himself and for his family. I know I know The Left make claim to this principle as well. But the true basic back to the core differences are obvious one believes he/she can do it for themselves where the other side believes by virtue of their polices one is left to believe that he/she can not unless they have assistance.
My Issue... Feeling that I should be able to take care of my family and my medicl needs and that no one else should have to foot the bill for me.
My Problem... I can't at this time and may never be able to. As of a little over a year ago I was ruled completely disabled. I have ERD (Endstage Renal Disease) I need a new kidney due to a life long Kidney Disease called PKD (Polysystic Kidney Disease) Due to this it has been impossible for me to purchase any kind of life insurance or long term disability. The only other Insurance I could purchase is your typical accidental death policys. Meaning My Wife could get insured benefits for me if I was to die by falling off a cliff or getting hit by a car etc. Don't get me wrong, I know that they do it for smart reasons, one would have to be an idiot to insure someone for a policy to pay out thousands of not millions to someone you know is not going to pay in long enough to cover even a resonable percentage of what they will ultimately pay out.
Heads or Tails you choose. The great concern here is understanding basic math. Insurance companys like banks are investors. they take the money you place in them or pay for service and invest it with a hope they will receive an increase in their return. Hopefully it is a large enough return to cover losses and expenses and then have left overs to claim as prophet. Basic business 101 stuff here folks. Having personal experience in this field having use to work for one of the 3 major insurance companies in America, during the time I was employed by them they spent on the physical year an average of $1.03 on every dollar they brought in just on claims. It doenst take a brainiack to understand they are in it to make money and they have to in order to survive.
Will This kill the industry? If required to insure anyone and everyone it wouldnt be unreasonable to ask can they survive can they cover the cost. The simple answer is probably no unless they increase their fees. Do we really want to pay more, don't you feel you pay enough already. So you decide will requiring insurance companies to insure anyone and everyone regardless of their health and situation may ulitmately lead to the end of this industry.
I know i jump around.. Heres where the issue becomes personal for me again to choose the right side of this issue would literally be a death sentence for me. I have to do dialysis 5 times a week at an average cost at around$1,500.00 per treatment and I do the treatment myself at home. I take a medicine that cost about $2,000.00 per does and I take 1.5 doese per week. This doenst include any other medicine which there are many and doctor visits etc. In all it would be impossible for me to pay for these services. I worked hard from the time I was 16 years old and have paid into the system. Even though I'm now 36 years old and have paid in all these years it is important to recognize I have received so much more than I ever gave to the system.
This reminds me of President Kennedys famous speech, "Ask not what your country can do for you, Rather ask what can you do for Your Country" Something like that I believe. So in the end of my thought process I do believe that if I were to vote or side with the Right on this issue I would infact be doing something for My Country.. I would be dieing for it litterally. Not as a hero who saved alot of lives but as a man with out resources to pay for the Healthcare required to stay healthy and alive.
Balls in your court now what do I do.. What do you think? There are many just like me who use the goverment healthcare medicare and medicaid. So how many of us will have to pay the ultimate price for this decission. Does my life have a voice. Do I really have a Choice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
